Jim Carrey is one of my husbands favorite comedians, recently he spoke at a graduation and said this: "So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect that we never dare to ask the universe for it. I'm saying, I'm the proof that you can ask the universe for it... You can fail at what you don't want, so you might as well take a chance and do what you love."
I don't really believe in asking the universe, I believe in prayer, and God, and His sovereignty. What I am learning in my life, or maybe what God is teaching me in this experience, is that maybe I'm not meant to work a day job. I have always thought that I had to get a job, somehow, I needed to figure out what job I could do to support myself and my family. I never thought I could live off my talents. I'm not sure what in my life has taught me this. I grew up with a mother who always told me that I could do what ever I wanted to do, as long as I could pay my bills of course! My parents are so amazing! I haven't really realized just how amazing until I became an adult. So many people I went to school with, other artists, did not have the full support of their parents. They had to fight to do what they loved, they had to justify the years and the money spent learning and developing their craft. I didn't. I had parents who were fully supporting my decisions, they loved me, fed me, housed me, my mother worked at the school I attended so I could get my tuition covered. While the University of Louisville has many more lucrative degrees to pursue, and my mothers job would only pay for one degree, my mother never once questioned my choice to major in fine arts. Her only issue was with how late I stayed on campus working, but it wouldn't have mattered what I studied, she wanted me safe! My parents have even bought and commissioned work from me, they are my greatest patrons.
My husband is another great supporter. I came to Chicago with Jonathan to support him in his acting career. I came to a place I never really wanted to go, because I loved my husband, and I believe that God has a plan for him and I believe Gods plan for me was to come here with him. Yet I haven't been able to figure out what God has here for me. I've been trying to figure out what I want to do for the past 2 years. I was recently asked what my dream job is, I had no answer. I know that the artists who can live off their work are rare, so, have I been trying to find a job because my dream seems so impossible?
In short...yes. I never thought I could run my own art business, so I've never dared to go after it. I never dreamed that my dream could become a reality. So I've been trying to find a different career. A safe career.
Jonathan checked out a book from the library about starting a microbusiness. I'm reading it, I didn't want to at first, but Jon insisted. He told me that he always thought I could do this, he's always thought I had what it took to be an entrepreneur. He quoted Jim Carrey to me, he said, "I know it sounds cheesy, but you can do what you love."
So here goes, I'm going to try. I'm going to do this. I am going to 'ask the universe' for my dream. I've been trying to do this my own way for the past two years, I have no idea what God has in store for me, but I can no longer ignore the direction my life is going in. God has a plan for me, and maybe this is it, so I'm going for it, and praying for God to guide me as I go.
It is my prayer and my hope that you will go on this journey with me.
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